


Clayleb Week

by walkalittleline



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: I'm posting the shorter ones as kind of a group and just separating to longer ones as their own fics, M/M, clayleb week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-23 16:37:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21323326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkalittleline/pseuds/walkalittleline
Summary: Clayleb week fills for days 2-5, 1 and 6 are posted separately due to their length.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 9
Kudos: 92





	1. Day 2: Battle Couple

Strangely enough, he thinks the moment he first realized his feelings was not one of their quiet moments together. Not one of their long talks or shared silences that never felt strained or uncomfortable. Rather, it had been in the middle of fighting. What they’d been fighting he can’t remember, those particular details are fuzzy to him. He’s never had the best memory and the space in his brain for this particular moment is cemented only by the blinding clarity with which he’d realized he was attracted to Caleb.

The moments before and after are no more than a blur of color and dizzying emotion, but he remembers so well those few seconds when he’d look over at Caleb where he was standing a few feet from him. He clearly remembers the way his brow had been furrowed in concentration, the movement of his lips as he muttered something, the way his hands had swept through the air with practiced ease in a way Caduceus had seen a dozen times before. He’s still not sure what was different about this time. Maybe it was the way Caleb had gritted his teeth, sweat beading on his face as fire curled and licked at his fingers before condensing into a bead of light that shot fifty feet across the darkness and exploded into an inferno. Maybe it was the way the rush of heat had blown his hair back or the look of grim resolve on his face when he hit his mark. 

Whatever it had been, he knows without a doubt that it had been that instant that he’d realized he had feelings for Caleb. It was as if everything around him had slowed until those seconds stretched on infinitely and he might have been standing there numbly staring at him for hours if the roar of battle hadn’t brought him back to himself. That and Caleb looking over at him as he lowered his ash dark hands to his sides again, his face lined with exhaustion and streaked with dirt.

“Alright?” he’d said, the sound coming to Caduceus as if through water, the rush of his blood loud in his own ears. “Caduceus?”

“Fine,” Caduceus had said hurriedly before refocusing his attention on the task at hand.

He doesn’t recall much of what happened after that. It’s been a few weeks since then and they’ve returned to their gifted home in Rosohna. He can’t stop himself from replaying that moment over in his head, trying to figure out what exactly it had been that had made something so drastically change in his brain. 

At first he’d thought, hoped maybe, it had been a fluke, something in the heat of the moment where the rush of adrenaline had played tricks on him. But he finds his eyes wandering to Caleb at mealtimes. More specifically to Caleb’s hands, watching the way they move, his long fingers calloused and scarred but surprisingly delicate in their movements. Fluid and deliberate. It makes him blush with an unfamiliar warmth to think about it watching Caleb cast now.

He keeps close to Caleb the next time they’re drawn into a fight, tells himself it’s because Caleb is, as Jester puts it, “squishy” and needs to be protected. In reality, he can’t stop himself from watching him out of the corner of his eye, watching the way he moves when he casts, graceful and powerful all at once. Like a wild animal, controlled but undeniably dangerous. 

When Caleb is struck across the side and crumples next to him, he feels such a wave of protective fury it almost scares him. He’s kneeling next to him before he really registers what he’s doing, laying his hand on the bloody wound and watching it seal itself up under his shaking fingers. Caleb coughs up a spray of blood across the dirt as he wakes, eyes wide and darting around nervously before landing on Caduceus’ face.

“Alright?” Caduceus says anxiously, wiping his bloody fingers on his coat before helping him to his feet.

Caleb looks at him, his fingers still gripping the front of Caduceus’ coat to steady himself, and Caduceus has the sudden sensation that he’s looking  _ into _ him. His stomach churns anxiously at the thought of Caleb being able to read his newly discovered feelings in his expression. But he doesn’t say anything. Instead he fists his hands tighter in the collar of Caduceus coat and pulls him down into a kiss. It’s brief, slightly off-center, and he hears Beau shout an exasperated, “is  _ now _ really the time for that?!” from somewhere nearby, but it still makes his head spin. 

“Yeah,” Caleb says as he pulls back and releases Caduceus at last. “I’m alright.”

Caduceus tried to stammer out a response but Caleb is already hurrying away, pulling something from his pocket and moving his hands smoothly through the air. Caduceus watches him, transfixed, until a shout from Jester pulls his attention back to the fight. There will be time to talk later.


	2. Day 3: Sparks

It takes nearly two weeks for him to recognize what he’s feeling as jealousy.

Because why on earth should be care that Caduceus and Fjord are spending so much time together? He’s watched them grow increasingly close over the last few months, has seen Fjord’s transformation and new devotion towards the Wildmother. Caleb cannot claim to ever having been a religious man and he’d not thought much of it when Fjord started spending some nights in the tower, not paid much attention to the way they could often be found lingering in the kitchen sharing a pot of tea long after the others had gone to bed.

And he couldn’t understand why he begun to feel so _ annoyed _ with seeing them together like this. He didn’t know why his stomach churned acidicly when he caught them sharing a soft smile across from him at the dinner table.

It’s not until they’re out in the middle of some unfamiliar forest, stopping to gather their bearings and take a rest, that something snaps inside his brain. He’s sitting with Nott, flipping through his spellbook absently, when he hears the gentle rumble of Caduceus’ voice and glances up to see him and Fjord returning to the little copse of trees they’ve settled into, apparently having finished scouting around like they’d planned to. He sees Fjord respond to whatever Caduceus has said, too far away to hear it, though whatever it is makes Caduceus smile that warm, benevolent smile, leaning his head down slightly as he does. At first, Caleb thinks they’re going to kiss, but then Fjord reaches up to brush Caduceus’ hair back, pulling his hand away and holding up a small leaf as he does. Caduceus chuckles and responds with a thanks, though Caleb barely hears it, feeling a sudden, blinding anger that burns so hot in his face it makes his ears ring.

“Caleb? What’s wrong?”

Caleb blinks, glancing over at Nott, who’s staring back at him with a concerned look. Her eyes flick down to where Caleb is gripping his book and his gaze follows to see his fingers white-knuckles around the edges, holding it so tightly he’s wrinkling the pages.

“Sorry,” he mutters, loosening his grip on the book. “I’m fine. Stomachache.”

“Want me to get Jester or Caduceus?” Nott says, already glancing around for them.

“No,” Caleb says hastily. “No, I’ll be alright.”

“If you’re sure,” she said, still looking suspicious as she turns back to sorting through her crossbow bolts.

Caleb glances up to where Caduceus and Fjord are now seated across from each other in the grass, hands clasped and eyes close as they commune with their goddess. Caleb can taste bile in his throat.

He’s never considered himself an envious person, not when it comes to this sort of thing. But from that point on can’t help the rush of jealousy that curdles his stomach every time he sees the two of them together as they so often are these days. There are nights when he sees Fjord forego his own room to head to the tower with Caduceus that he lies awake staring at the ceiling feeling almost nauseous with heartache at the thought of what they might be doing together.

It’s one such night, when he’s been lying in bed tossing for nearly an hour, that he gives up on getting any decent sleep and instead decides to go to the kitchen for a drink, intending to take it back to the study to get some reading done in an attempt to distract himself. He pauses in the hall outside the kitchen when he hears the gentle clink of dishes from inside. He peers around the corner, stomach sinking at the sight of Caduceus, though it buoys when he realizes he’s alone, humming quietly as he scoops tea leaves from a small pouch into a teapot. 

Caleb tries to back away quietly, intending to come back once he’s gone, but the floor under his foot squeaks loudly as he takes a step back. Caduceus’ ears lift at the sound and he turns, face splitting into a broad smile that makes Caleb’s stomach flutter.

“Caleb,” he says brightly, “I didn’t realize you were still up. Care to join me in a cup of tea?” He hefts the teapot before filling it with steaming water from his kettle and setting it aside to steep.

“Okay, sure,” Caleb says, shuffling into the room and resisting the urge to scratch nervously at his arms when Caduceus turns back to him.

“Fjord is not here?” he says, grimacing at the eagerness in his voice.

“Hm? No, he’s asleep,” Caduceus responds. “Worn out, I think.”

Caleb nods even as he feels a wave of jealousy and hurt wash through him at the thought of what they might be doing that would wear Fjord out.

“This is nice, though,” Caduceus continues as he digs two mugs out of the cupboard. “I’m afraid we’ve not had much of a chance to talk lately.”

“You and Fjord seem to be spending most of your time together these days.” He means for it to be light-hearted but the words sound bitter even to his own ears.

Caduceus merely chuckles though. “I admit, I’ve probably been neglecting some things lately to help him,” he says with a shrug. “He has a lot to learn and unlearn, though.”

“You—“ Caleb clears his throat and forces the words out of his mouth, “you two seem very happy together.”

Caduceus hums, smiling as he fills their cups with gently steaming tea. “It _is_ nice to have another follower of the Wildmother around,” he says, “it’s been so long, it’s almost strange having someone else to take devotion with.”

Caleb takes a calming breath, trying to ignore the feeling of anxiety high in his throat.

“I mean… you two seem happy… _together_,” he says, suppressing a grimace.

Caduceus sets down the teapot and turns to look at him, brow furrowed in a frown.

“I’m getting the feeling I’m missing something,” he says slowly.

Caleb stares back at him, beginning to feel as confused as Caduceus seems to be.

“Are you two not… involved?” he says. “Romantically?”

Caduceus’ eyebrows lift in a look of wide-eyed surprise.

“No,” he says with a small shake of his head. “Is there—did you think we were?”

Caleb nods silently and Caduceus opens his mouth mutely momentarily before pressing his lips together with a considering look.

“So,” Caleb begins hopefully, “you’re… not? At all?”

“Not at all,” Caduceus replies. “I care for Fjord very deeply. But we’re not—we haven’t…” he trails off, looking both confused and bewildered, and Caleb has to stop himself from laughing in relief.

Caduceus gives him a cautious look, still seeming confused, and moves towards him to hold out one of the cups of tea. Caleb takes it but immediately sets it down on the counter, lifting Caduceus’ cup from his hands to place next to it.

Caduceus glances at the cups, looking increasingly confused, and Caleb steps closer to him and takes one of his large hands on his own.

“Stop me,” he says softly before he loses his nerve and stops himself, “If you don’t want this, stop me.” 

He rests his other hand on Caduceus cheek and lifts onto the balls of his feet, pausing with his lips inches from Caduceus’ to give him plenty of time to pull away or push him back. He doesn’t. And so Caleb kisses him. 

His knees buckle and he groans quietly when Caduceus kisses him back so enthusiastically his spine bows back, his hand clutching the back of Caduceus’ head as Caduceus’ arms encircle his waist. By all accounts it’s a relatively chaste kiss, a firm press of closed lips, but the desperation Caleb feels mirrored in Caduceus leaves him feeling breathless and unsteady when they break apart.

“Why don’t we take out tea back to the study?” Caleb murmurs, trailing his fingertips over the nap of Caduceus’ neck and savoring the way he shivers at the touch. “We can… talk. Or not talk.”

Caduceus wets his lips.

“Maybe we can do a little of both,” he says. His voice is even rougher than normal and Caleb feels heat bloom unbidden in his gut.

“Maybe not too much talking,” he says, picking up his tea and taking Caduceus’ hand in his own to lead him back down the hall towards his room.


	3. Day 4: Destiny

_ “Do you believe in destiny?” _

The first time Caduceus had asked Caleb that question, he’d been taken aback but sure in his answer of no, he didn’t. With everything he’d done in his life, the thought of it being controlled or warped by some outside force made him feel vaguely sick. But the more he listened to Caduceus talk about his views on the matter, about how free will was part of it, he began to think maybe fate wasn’t all as bad a concept as he’d initially thought when first confronted with it.

And when he falls in love with Caduceus after weeks and months of quiet conversation and tentative touches that lead to first one then many shared kisses and a few nights in bed with each other, Caleb believes he will gladly embrace fate if this is what it has in store for him.

He’s lying awake in their now shared bed, listening to the sound of the quietly creaking branches and whisper of wind through the leaves of the tree spread above them when the memory of Caduceus first asking him the question rises to the forefront of his brain. He glances over at him, sleeping sounding and snoring quietly, one arm resting loosely around Caleb’s waist.

Caleb smiles fondly and pushes the hair falling over his face back to tuck behind his ear, pressing a kiss to his forehead as he does. Caduceus snuffles and groans sleepily, eyes blinking open into bleary slits.

“What’s wrong?” he mumbles, voice low and gravelly from sleep.

“Nothing, my love,” Caleb whispers. “Go back to sleep.”

Caduceus’ eyes flick over his face and he blinks slowly, his gaze penetrating even in his half-asleep haze.

“You’re thinking about something,” he observes. His arm curls tighter around Caleb’s waist almost protectively. “What is it?”

“Mm, nothing, really,” Caleb says. “Just… fate.”

Caduceus’ eyebrows raise, his slack expression tightening as he seems to gain some cognizance.

“Those are big thoughts to have this late at night,” he says. 

Caleb chuckles.

“It’s not something I thought about much before meeting you,” he says. He turns on his side to face him fully, smiling when Caduceus’ hand slides warm up his spine. “You have changed my way of thinking about a lot of things.”

“That’s… good?” Caduceus says, sounding unsure. “I hope, at least.”

“Yes, it’s good,” Caleb says around a laugh. He shapes his hand over Caduceus’ jaw, thumb rubbing over his cheek lightly. “Do you think this was fated to happen?”

“If we’re here, that is what fate intended,” Caduceus says matter of factly.

Caleb can’t help but smile, amazed at how easily faith seems to come to Caduceus when it’s something he’s never felt or had before. It’s both admirable and, at times, disconcerting how strongly he believes in the concept of fate. 

“Do _you_ think so?” Caduceus continues. “That this is fate?”

Caleb hums thoughtfully. “I think,” he begins, taking Caduceus’ hand from where it’s resting between them and holding it in both of his own, his palm broad in comparison to Caleb's, “that I love you. And that you love me. And that I don’t know if it was something long destined to happen or a lucky coincidence that we met each other and ended up here. But if this what fate had in store for me, I will gladly embrace it.”

Caduceus gives him a soft, indulgent smile, wrapping his arms more snugly around his middle to pull him against his chest, his chin resting on top of Caleb’s head. Caleb burrows into him contentedly, feeling the steady thud of his heartbeat against his palm and allowing it to lull him back to sleep.


	4. Day 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of minor character death

“Caduceus?”

He pauses in his contemplation of the flowers planted around the base of the tree, working their way up around the gnarled roots towards the weak sunlight trapped in the strings of glass jars he and Jester had hung so many months ago.

“Hm? Oh, hello, Caleb.” He offers him a smile as he approaches, though it feels stiff and unnatural and falls almost as quickly as it had come.

Caleb stops a few feet away from him, looking unsure, as if he doesn’t know whether or not Caduceus would want him closer. Caduceus always wants him closer. But he understands why Caleb, like the rest of them, has been walking on eggshells around him the past few days. It’s not every day you find out your brother is dead. 

He’s been holed up in the tower more than he knows he should be since he found out, since he’d felt something cold in the back of his head telling him something was wrong and received a simple yes in response to the question to the Wildmother. He has no idea of the circumstances, no idea where he was or if he was alone. He knows nothing apart from the fact that he’s gone and he hasn’t even seen him in years.

“Do you care if I join you?” Caleb says, finally taking a single step closer.

“Whatever you’d like,” Caduceus replies, trying to sound cheerful, though it fails as miserably as his attempted smile, his voice almost gratingly falsely bright.

Caleb approaches him tentatively, touching his hand lightly to Caduceus’ elbow and squeezing gently when Caduceus covers his fingers with his own.

“We don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to,” Caleb says quietly, “but if you need to talk, you know I will always be right here.”

Caduceus nods silently, swallowing around the lump in his throat. He knows he shouldn’t feel sad like this, that he should be happy to know his brother can now be fully embraced by the Wildmother’s love. But all he can feel now is a crushing weight in his chest, cold and pulling him down. It lessens slightly at Caleb’s touch and careful words.

“Thank you,” he murmurs. “I don’t think I want to talk right now. But I want you here if you’ll stay.”

“Whatever you need, my love,” Caleb says. He leans his head against Caduceus’ shoulder and Caduceus smiles weakly. He rests his head on Caleb’s and shuts his eyes, focusing on soft rustle of leaves overhead and the feeling of Caleb’s warm weight against his side.


End file.
